What age does depression strike? We are informed that it can happen to anyone at anytime, but how often are we informed of depression in young children? I would like to share my experience of depression from an early age and the circumstances which lead to many years of suffering.
My childhood years were traumatic, I was abused in every conceivable way by the one person who should have loved, cared and nurtured me, my mother! I remember as far back as a four years of age, being petrified of what she would do every day. My first memory involved having my arms tied behind my back then a scarf tied around my mouth and thrown into a wardrobe with the doors tied shut, a regular occurrence that was to continue for a long time. The abuse only got worse the older I got and I remember being a very unhappy child. I will share snippets of my childhood memories in future blogs.
Growing up in this environment obviously led me to being miserable and recently I questioned when had I started to suffer from depression. I truly believe it began before I had reached my tenth birthday. I recall one particul day, I had decided I didn’t want to live anymore and had attempted to take an overdose of paracetamol, I had taken six and went to bed hoping I wouldn’t wake up. Of course I did and felt overwhelmed that that it hadn’t worked.
In my late teenage years I discussed with my doctor how I was feeling. I could not recall ever being free from the big black cloud that followed me. This was the first time I had shared what had happened and it was a relief to finally tell someone. I had always felt that it was my fault for the abuse which of course it wasn’t. I was to frightened and ashamed to tell anyone what she was doing. I knew my dad would be very upset about it and I guess I didn’t want to be labelled as a victim. I was very close to my dad and the day I had to tell him was one of the hardest things i’ve done.
The discussion with my doctor resulted in me taking regular anti depressants most of my life. I have had times when I have came off them, only to find after a short time I was struggling and have to go back on them. My doctor explained at one point that it may well have been my childhood that was impacting on my mental health and that some children are born into an environment that leads to depression. He also explained that the best way to look at it was to see it as a condition like any other part of the body that wasn’t working properly and that the medication would enable me to function better.
In future blogs I will share my childhood experiences and explore depression in children. I hope to help inform people and raise awareness.
Thanks for reading.
So mental health! 